This is a nomination from Gilbert Ramsay for the Bright Green Dick of the Year award. You can nominate by emailing 200ish words to before 30 December.

Former BP Chief Executive, Tony Hayward

The Dick of the Year should be a person who has basically shown that they will fuck anyone to save their own skin. We can rule out spineless Lib Dems – they don’t have it in them. We can rule out principled right wing Lib Dems. They are misguided. The dick of the year should be someone who has shown initiative.

It’s true that Tony Hayward of BP had shown negligence rather than spunk in the mis-management which allowed billions of gallons of crude to destroy the eco-systems of the Mexican coast. This having happened, however, he went on the offensive, showing himself to be the bad boy of big oil. That moment in the ’60s when Jim Morrison whipped his cock out on stage? That’s basically what Tony Hayward did to the American people. Oh, and us and the Americans? We share a planet. Holy fuck!