What we’ve learnt about GPEx candidates from their favourite biscuits
When reading the Young Greens written hustings for the Green Party Executive elections, I found myself drawn to the only question that really mattered: the favourite biscuit. Inspired by Young Green co-chair Tom Hazell’s twitter thread analysing the results I will take you one step further into the analysis of those biscuit choices.
What is in a biscuit you ask? Well aside from sugar hopefully (side eye for you here Sam and Matt) there is an insight into the very soul of candidate. Let’s explore some of those biscuit based highlights.
The first crucial issue to address is the job share question. Should the candidates who are standing as a job share been allowed a biscuit choice each? Well considering on the executive they will need to come to agreement and consensus on many things I think they should have been bold and gone for a collective favourite. Alternatively, made a hybrid of their biscuit favourites; a Moopurrada, a Custard Oreo, a Ginger Digestive are all strong options. As biscuits can often divide even the closest of colleagues, perhaps they could have fought it out in a battle royale for the winner or played rock paper scissors on video call for the ultimate victory. Folks, I’m telling you, there were options you could have explored.
Let’s start off with Campaigns Coordinator. Daniel Laycock coming in first with a simple no nonsense answer, Bourbon for the chocolate. Perhaps the same no nonsense and decisive approach would be taken if you first preference Daniel. Hannah Graham taking a biscuit choice from the heart in the Jammie Dodger selection. Influenced by VICE news and mum maybe this candidate will put their heart into campaigns should you choose them. Strong start, and despite their absence I would welcome Britta coming forward with a biscuit choice to complete the set.
Flying straight into the Chair candidates where four candidates give us the lowdown on their biscuit favourites. Bourbon proving popular again with Ewan Jones but with an additional family connection A no nonsense choice but a rebellious admission in the dunking there, nothing should be dunked in black coffee. Talking of rebellious admissions Liz Reason, a la Marie prefers cake. Surely there must be some biscuit you like Liz? Perhaps a hint of unorthodox approaches in this executive candidate, and if it’s French you like might I suggest a Sable Breton or Langues de Chat to bring you into the biscuit family. Swiftly on to Ash and Ben, strong and stable choices here from these two with the first appearance of a custard cream and Oreos. Reliable staples in many a biscuit tin could these two provide double reliability in their role? Quick note for Ben though, Bourbons are vegan and it made me sad to think you’ve been missing out. Adrian provided the longest answer to this question and settled on a homemade cookie with ever popular chocolate. A sign of commitment to lengthy discussion and forging a path for yourself perhaps if they get your vote. If you want to send me some biscuits to try all contributions are welcome!
Swiftly moving to Elections Coordinator and up first we have Kai Taylor and Claire Stephenson. The first job share to set their stall with a joint pick, the popular Jammie Dodger. Respect due for being decisive together, could this be a sign of things to come should you pick this pair? Louis Williams going leftfield in their Oreo choice with mint and a subtle nod to strawberry. Could this be the sort of ‘out there’ ideas Louis would bring to the election role? Zoe Nicholson being the second candidate to choose custard creams. As well as being after my own heart with the finishing a packet admission, could this dedication to seeing things through be what Zoe will bring to this role? Variety is the spice of life as they say and the first spiced biscuit choice comes in from Joe Levy with homemade ginger biscuits, accompanied by job share Laurie Needham picking another staple in the choccie digestive. A bit of a mixture flavour wise, this could show the mix of ideas we will get from these two if they have your vote. As above Laurie, I’m all for dunking as long as it’s not in a black coffee!
Nothing could prepare me for the biscuit based disappointment that was External Communications coordinator. Peter Underwood choosing the jaffa cake is a choice steeped in history and controversy, but demonstrably not a biscuit. Whilst the finance nerd in me appreciated the VAT story, the biscuit lover cried out for either of these candidates to just pick a biscuit! Molly Scott Cato picking local cake, whilst showing an excellent commitment to localism completely missed the point of the question. Ask at your local bakery Peter and Molly and I’m sure there will be many biscuits that could become your next favourite. However, the unorthodox approach shown by both candidates here could be the shake up our party communications needs, although maybe they have both lost the votes of biscuits lovers across England and Wales. Time will tell.
Following that disappointment, the candidates for International Coordinator filled my biscuit loving heart with sunshine. Alice Hubbard and Sam Murray picking the global options of the Moomin and Champurrada are broadening our biscuit horizons. These candidates may be spending their time bringing the global to England and Wales, and as long as there’s biscuits involved it may pick up a fair few votes. Alex Horn and Erwin Schaefer not only made a united pick as their job share but also picked an international brand in Choco Leibniz. Another sign of our candidates for these roles branching out for inspiration. Frank Sheridan was the first candidate thus far to truly understand the exciting enormity of this question. Reasoned, balanced, the metaphors and the dedication to biscuits settles Frank on the choccie digestive. You took us on a journey Frank, and this may be what we expect from you should you be elected. Claudine, this is the strongest biscuit category so far, please send me your favourite.
What a tale of two halves Management Coordinator is in the biscuit stakes. Richard Bearman, what can I say other than I salute you! If we thought Frank’s journey took us places, the novella that Richard provided ended with the mighty Hobnob. Does this creative flair, detail, and storytelling translate to the management role? This could be what we find out if Richard is successful in the election. Florence and Matt, well what can I say. The heavy lifting in the biscuit department is clearly being done by Florence in this job share with another strong vote for the bourbon. Matt, we need to have a talk about what an oatcake is. A Scottish flat bread, or round my way in Staffordshire a yeasted oat pancake served savoury, but certainly not a biscuit. Perhaps a return to Green Party HQ – The Biscuit Factory – for this candidate will broaden their biscuit horizons. At least one strong biscuit there and perhaps a good reason for job shares to decide on one option in the future!
Policy Development Coordinator is another rollercoaster. Leaving in some cases more questions than answers, we certainly went on a journey here. Liam McClelland the first candidate to include a footnoted reference in their answer wins a strong biscuit point for Oreo selection and demonstrates a commitment to evidence-based answers. Could this be what we expect from Liam should they be elected? Peter Sims and Sam Alston; well I thought Louis was left field, but nothing could quite prepare me for the answers from this job share. Peter seems to have opted for Schrodinger’s biscuit and this may be the mystery they will bring in this duo. Sadly, again, there is a candidate who didn’t select a biscuit. Sam, your 10-point plan was a lovely read, but no, breadsticks are very much not biscuits. Not for the first time there are unorthodox choices here, what will these candidates bring if elected? Mick Gregg joins the no nonsense crew with a simple choice of the mighty chocolate HobNob. Why use 300 words when you can say it in 12? This straightforward approach may carry on if Mick is successful. Vix Lowthion, oh Vix, flapjacks. I am sat here torn by my love of flapjack, but despite the dictionary saying biscuit I can’t bring myself to believe it’s true. Although in asking whether a flapjack was a biscuit in a question Vix has asked for our input. Perhaps a sign of how they will conduct themselves if elected? Watch this space.
Publications can sometimes be a lonely place, and no more so than for Jack Lenox as the only candidate to give us their favourite biscuit. Jack more than made up for the absence of the others by declaring biscuits in general a favourite thing. So many tasty morsels were mentioned on our journey to a first mention for the crumbly and delicious Scottish shortbread. With a clear commitment to sampling and assessing a variety of biscuits can we expect the same sense of adventure if Jack is elected? Julia and Danny, honestly, tell us your favourites.
Last but not least is Trade Union Liaison Officer (TULO) candidates, who have provided us with a full house of biscuit favourites so let’s dive right in. Kefentse joins the no nonsense crew with yet another vote for the chocolate bourbon. I can now announce that this biscuit choice has topped the poll and is the overall first past the post favourite of executive candidates. This solidarity with other candidates may serve Kefentse well if elected. Matthew Hull and Paul Valentine provide us with another staple in the choccie digestive and the first mention of the humble and often overlooked party ring. These accidentally vegan iced biscuits popular at children’s parties of the nineties bring back big memories for me. Their responses reminiscent of how Lenin or Luxemburg may have answered the question – will this duo have this as their approach to the TULO role? And finally, Theo Simon gives us two options for a favourite, one for solidarity and one for addiction. The garibaldi and the choccie digestive. Two staple choices, but will not being able to choose a favourite be the way in which Theo approaches the role?
Well, if you’ve made it this far you really do have the biscuit based commitment we are truly looking for in this party. Perhaps you will next time consider putting yourself forward for an executive role where you can organise a biscuit off in the appropriately named Green Party HQ the Biscuit Factory. It’s where the executive meetings are held and could do with a few more real biscuits in it having been there myself. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the candidate for every role – RON. Crowdsourced answers on a postcard please!
Next? The leader and deputy leader candidates’ favourite biscuits please!
Oh and since no one asked mine I’ll tell you anyway, it’s party ring.
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Image credit: Bryan H Bell – Creative Commons