Legend has it that young hopefuls applying to be Hansard clerk in the House of Commons used to be presented with a recording of John Prescott in full flow and asked to transcribe, in the official record style, what the Deputy Prime Minster meant to say.

Now Scots teenagers hoping to excel in their Higher English exam have been set an even more Herculean trial – identifying what Boris Johnson is on about in one of his rambling Telegraph columns, for which he receives, you’ll recall, a “chicken feed” nominal payment*.

Handed a copy of the Mayor’s unsurprising views on the subject of video games, students in schools across Scotland yesterday were asked to undertake impossible tasks such as accounting for His Blondness’s choice of words like “ratiocination” and “Phooey!”.

You can peruse this cruel and unusual academic punishment in all its glory below. I’m sure we can arrange a small prize for the best answer to any of the Scottish Qualifications Agency’s questions – please make your submissions in the comments. If you dare.

* £250,000 per annum.